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Nerk's Message in a Bottle -
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Dearest Darnique, the plot thickens. No, it positively curdles! Today I fished a bottle out from the ocean, thinking it was one of my deliriously sensual love letters to you, my sweet Darnique. Lo and behold, it was a message from an aristocrat who is apparently stranded on a deserted island and promising half his fortune to the first man to rescue him! I suspect the whole thing is a scam, though. After all, his island is called "Fake Island"... but hey, what if it's actually true? In that case this nobleman would be withering away out there. The poor shmuck! Darnique, I don't know if I can trust this man.

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